New year. New beginnings. Lots to hope for. And lots to wish for. Hope all your dreams and wishes come true!
It has been 6 weeks since my last update. Let me start of by saying that the boos are doing very good. Both are alive and their hearts are beating away. God bless them!
But the last 6 weeks have been very tough for my extended family. 3 deaths in the relative circle — 2 unexpected and 1 expected — each a week to a week and a half apart from each other. The last one is my grandmother — my dad’s mom. And it has been tough, very tough. She had been bedridden for more than a year now but her loss, even though a relief because she doesn’t have to suffer anymore, is tough for me. She really wanted us to have kids. And I never got a chance to share the fact that she was going to be a great-grandmother pretty soon. I will forever regret that. Another unfortunate situation was that I had to be the one to break this news to my dad. And telling someone that their mom has passed away is something I would NEVER want to do again. Hubs was travelling during this time and luckily I was at a friend’s place when I got to hear abt this. I am forever grateful for my friend who helped me cope with this and let me stay over their place for the weekend while I recouped. It has been a little over 2 weeks now. DH is now back home. And we are coping very well. We have now adjusted and the pain has subsided substantially now.
Pregnancy wise, the boos and I are doing very good. Touch wood. We are in the second trimester now!! If I had any energy, I would be doing a happy dance every time I say that… but nevertheless, you can picture me doing one. I know. Unbelievable. I am 14 wks today. Crazy! I wanted to do a celebratory post when I hit 12 wks but a little thing called guilt held me back. I have been feeling a lot of that lately.
I have had lots of other milestones since the last time I posted. Here’s a list:
- P4 started rising all on its when I hit 8 wks
- Completed weened off of all the CCRM medications
- Scan at local clinic to see the boos again where I saw them move for the first time! Brought me to tears! OK fine… more like bawling because it was the day my grandmother passed away!
- First high-risk OB appt
- Graduated from CCRM!!! Big Day!
- A normal NT scan report and seeing them move again
- 2 more OB appts and scans aka more moving babies
But every single time I wanted to celebrate it and announce it to the world, if not for the sadness from the family incidents, the guilt held me back. There are a lot of people out there that are still in the throes of infertility and those whose scars run real deep… much much deeper than mine. I don’t know, somehow it justs felt wrong to celebrate even though I was happy. Especially since we have started let people IRL know abt this, every single time I hear a “congratulations”, I think to myself… do they really mean it or is this news hurting them in a big way?! I know… I know… I should be happy that I have gotten this far and try to enjoy it. Trust me… I am enjoying it. I just have to convince myself that it is ok to share.
Today, for some reason, it felt ok to share. It could be the new year, the fact that I hit 14 wks, or just that I feel quite energetic today. Don’t know. Since I have kept you in the dark for so long, I have added more updated pics of the boos here.