All through the 3 ultrasounds that I have had here, the techs have found nice beautiful follies…8-10 on each side. Here at CCRM they only measure the 6 biggest ones on each side. And they always saw more than that, and were left unmeasured.
Every other person that I talked to along the way was like… “wow… you are sooo young” and “wow… you have a lot of follicles”. What is a girl supposed to do when everyone from the nurses to the phlebotomist to the ultrasound techs to the genetic counselor says this???? Believe it… and so I did! My impression was ok… I can’t expect 20 or so eggs but surely I can expect something in the 15ish range.
Especially after talking to the genetic counselor, I needed at least that many to have 2 normal blasts at the end of this. The stats go like this… There is a 50% drop off from fertilization to blast stage. And another 50% drop off from blast to normal blast (after CCS testing of the embies). So if I need atleast 2 normal blasts, I need 4 that make it to the blast stage, which means I need 8 that fertilize. And I am assuming that only 70% of the mature eggs fertilize –> need 10-11 mature eggs. And I am assuming that only 70% of the retrieved eggs are mature –> need 14-16 eggs retrieved. And this number perfectly matched what my ovaries had.
Today, as I was waking up from the ER, Dr Su (who did my ER) walked up and told me he got 10!!! TEN!!! That is it! TEN!! I started bawling then and there. (Apparently I wasn’t completely back to my senses yet. It would take me another hour from that point to completely wake up.)
All my dreams of 2 blasts were out the window. I am devastated. The anesthelogist walked up to me (as I was tearing up…. the tears never stopped) and was like… “dont worry… it only takes one”. I know…. but I dont want to hear that.
Aside from the drop in my expected blast number, I feel cheated. I was shown the promise of 16-20 and only given 10!!! Talk abt a reset of expectations.
Oh yeah… here is what pissed me off even more… as the doc told me they got 10, I asked him why that low. And his explanation was “we see this with patients who we coast for so long”!!! Really? if you see that happen, WHY THE HELL DID YOU COAST ME IN THE FIRST PLACE???!!! I have been telling you that my history shows that I need stronger meds for a better response… did anyone listen to me??!! I am sooo pissed off and angry… I can’t even begin to explain!
As soon as I got some energy after dozing off in the hotel room, I called the nurse up and demanded an explanation. Nope… they dont know much. Plus my nurse was off today for memorial day. So I am calling back tomorrow to get a consult with Dr Sch himself.
I want to say “This is unacceptable”… but really… who am I kidding?! Do I have a choice? It is, always was, and always will be beyond my control! I just have to find a way to live with it!