By now I hope that at least one of the embies are burrowing in for the long-haul. I have had some occasional twitches and cramps, but nothing substantial and nothing that can’t be connected to the PIO. Since I don’t know any better, I would say things are relatively quiet. The only thing that I have noted down from my last IVF cycle that worked was the fact that I had some cramping on 5dp3dt. In retrospect, that might have been due to the implantation. So, I am keeping my fingers crossed and increasing the sensitivity of my cramp-monitoring-antenna. Right now, I am battling the world of bloatiness and gas. Not surprising. But my problem is that half the time, I have a hard time figuring out whether it is gas pains or cramps. Boooo! I. want. cramps!! No blood… just cramps! Is that too much to ask??!! *sigh* I never thought I would ever say that! *sigh*
In other news, apparently my MIL might be visiting us in a month or so. And she might be staying with us for 3-4 months. She has no idea that we are going through fertility treatments. Heck… she (like all of our relatives, except my parents) is under the impression that we are not even trying because we don’t want kids yet. Sweet… isn’t it? Now I don’t know where all of this falls with respect to this IVF cycle and our next steps. If this cycle does work, I have to figure out a way to sneak around to take the PIO shots every evening. Can be done. If this doesn’t work, we might just take a break for a couple of months. But, I don’t want to postpone our next steps for too long. God… please let this cycle work… please!!! DH and I haven’t talked abt this AT ALL. I am scared to even bring it up. I am scared that one thing will lead to another and he will pull the plug on further cycles. I don’t want to deal with this now. And oh yeah… I DON’T want her to know abt all of this. I am just. not. ready to come face-to-face with the fact that we have problems getting PG. Yes… I know, it has been 2.5+ yrs since we started TTC, and I am still in denial. As of now, it is our little secret and I just want it to stay that way. If we get PG through IVF, no one will know, and no one HAS to know. Do any of you feel this way? Or do I have to get my head tested? Of course, if we end up with triplets or quads then, everyone will know and it is a totally different story. And at that point, I don’t think I would care! Just not now. Not yet!
I am just going to take a deep breath, and try to live one day at a time until I get to my beta on April 15th. Less than a week to go. Whatever happens, happens.
“MIL visit” **shudder**… When I was struggling with IF, i actually tried to tell people about the struggle, i thought of myself as some kinda IF warrior, trying to make IF “normal”. Man did I fail! So i can totally understand the desire to keep it to yourself.
sending love…
3-4 months??? are you kidding me? that is a loooooooong time.
hoping today is the day the embies snuggle in for the long haul!
Ugh! That is a long time.
For a long time our families didn’t know anything when we were TTC. Then when we knew we’d have to do IVF we told just our parents. Then right before our first cycle began we told our siblings, and some close friends. It was ackward and difficult, but it felt so much better not to hide my dissapointment when my first cycle was cancelled. I didn’t realize how much keeping the secret had added stress to my life.
On the other hand, it was hard having to discuss IF when I didn’t want to. My family and friends were pretty good about it though. They learned to not bring it up unless I did and then they just listened.
Overall, when it comes to personal issues, I am a very private person. (Ironic that I share it all on the internet huh?) So I can see how you don’t want anyone to know. Do what works for you and lowers your stress.
Take care of yourself.
Personally, when I “came out” and let people know about our infertility and trouble getting pregnant it was a huge relief for me. My family has been nothing but supportive and now I don’t get the “why don’t you get pregnant, what are you waiting for” questions anymore– took off some pressure. I just made it clear that this was our personal journey and that we’d keep them informed when needed. They didn’t know all the details, but for us, it made everything much much easier and they’re prayers and support were worth it.
Here’s hoping this cycle works and you won’t have to worry about any of it.
3-4 months with your MIL, wow, your braver than I thought!
wow. 3-4 months…you are a strong woman. Do what makes you comfortable as far as “coming out”. For me, most of my family knows our struggle but not the gory details – and certainly not about donor sperm…
But, I think it will all be moot because this has to work!
Whoa – beta on tax day…well something good has to come from that day – so I’ll be betting on a GOOD number!
I hope and pray that this is YOUR cycle.
MIL…WOW! I can go oh wow to that about a 25 times. I guess she will bring a whole new flavour to your ballgame.
You know something….MIL does not know your troubles, and its a great thing that your DH has also withheld the input.
I just hope that everything falls into its right place.
And dear embie….stick around!
Hey there….this is in response to your comment…you know, I felt ignored at that point of time when my FIL asked. I feel left out. He never asks me…and DH almost reveals everything.
Lately, I explicity indicate what is not to be told.
I would also have like some privacy…
Hi! It’s me again. I left you something on my blog.
I think you need to talk about it — or not talk about it — entirely according to what feels right for you to disclose, when. If that turns out to be nothing, ever, to anyone, then that’s your prerogative. For me, it’s taken a long time for me to feel comfortable sharing it. At first when I tell someone new I still feel exposed and vulnerable initially, but then I always feel relieved that they know…it explains so much to people about why I might be acting a certain way, or missing work, or whatever. But I always tell people not to share it with anyone, because it’s my story to tell and my decision about who gets to hear it.